thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
