I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
