Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
How does it feel to date your dad?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
