Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
