my mouth tastes like poor choices
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
