it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Hippo gnu deer
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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