Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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