I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You ruined the universe
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
