taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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