If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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