I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
