careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
