You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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