did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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