I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
