Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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