I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I would fuck him just for his dog
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