I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
