no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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