were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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