Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
