I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
