using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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