the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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