i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
