WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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