Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
