I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
