Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
