oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
