her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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