my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
