Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
