I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
