I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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