Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
