So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize