go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
