The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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