By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
