Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
