3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
