I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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