I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
