It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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