yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
