In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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