The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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