Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
