the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
