Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
