At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
