Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
